build up your walls build up your gates climbing over stone to say "hello" people are great sometimes when they're not lying i lie sometimes i'm just people too saying "hello" and saying "goodbye" are just the same motions with different reactions people are great sometimes when they are nice i'm not nice sometimes but i'm just people too allow me in i'll make it better at least i'll try

open up to spring and let it come inside hold your hands in the air feel the warm sunlight and when you feel down try to recognize the people who care for more than your thighs! and if there's one thing i've learned it would be: thank goodness for friends! thank goodness! i was in my car hungry and alone but at least i was warm with somewhere to go things can never not get any worse that's something to believe in! jumping out of a second story window is not that bad getting drunk just because you're a little sad... oh no... i don't mind the guilt will wash off you had a good time the guilt will wash off i wish i could offer you a cure i wish i could offer you a cure i wish i could offer you a cure i wish i could offer you a cure and it will never not get any worse that's something to believe in and it will never not get any worse that's something to believe in and it will never not get any worse that's something to believe in and it will never not get any worse that's something to believe in

he sat in that chair right there his hair was long and thick and his sidekicks were dressed in white and he said "i'm sorry" i think he did i think he meant it and he said, "i'll be gone soon" "you have to care" "you have to try." had to go to work had to go to class i was wasting my time. had to watch the clock would he be gone by the time i got back? i wake up knowing it wasn't true but i felt it. is it not real just because it did not happen? but it did! i saw him with an apologetic look i saw him close his eyes i wondered what his favorite record was he said, "is that really what you're asking?" "am i wasting my time? dressed for work i headed for class i was lost. dressed my best i looked to impress but there was no one. i wanted to leave but i stayed in my seat so i missed my chance. i gave up.

(the gray wall feeling described by words over music) dear savannah (read your message today) i don't know how to respond (hope to see you one day) (hope that sounds okay) wrote in a song that i didn't want to talk for both sides of our conversations so please excuse me, if i sound a bit confused wait, what? (the original lyric has been redacted) allow me in i'll make it better i think, i'll do my best, please don't laugh if i need, i'll knit you a sweater of tears to hold and keep you cool this next summer a hive of bees to keep you from getting lonely without me in your college leave me a boy without knowledge it's a stupid rhyme i don't have the dime to take a class and make better lines. this is how you make me feel.

feliz casper antonia II when you give up on everything you are rewarded with nothing nothing but you can turn it to something you can turn into something cold is the hand which rocks your cradle cold is the big room, you sleep in fill it with flames of your puzzles and your bunny rabbit and your mother and half of duckwards the sock puppet and part of your hand part of your father he never cared about you you didn't do it you didn't cause it didn't set the flames which ended your time happy you didn't do it, but no one believed it living with your aunt in nebraska you find that she believes you killed her brother and promptly leaves to hawaii filling the dog bowl high filling your pantry low you have to share with sparky the magical pooch deserving of more food than you and you raise squigglez you're jealous of their smiles muppet face he hates himself yes he does. queen zaloo is a bitch scissors scissors scissors scissors you do what you want you say what you please make me more like you do surgery on me duckwards you are strong today is a great day to be a duck today is a bad day to be human eating dog food every day is a bad day to be human. every day is a bad day to be human. it never felt so clear as it does now the world has given up on you and you've given up on yourself the cuts, you cover in band-aids rinse them out dye your hair pink, flip all the switches you need to just get out. you're out.

head hurts eyes sting i'm still breathing. i'm still breathing "is there anything i can do for you?" "is there anyway we can help ease the pain of living in this cold harsh world?" make summer come sooner please i thought sneaking out into the night would make things better but the taste of whiskey is stuck in my mouth i can't get it out "is there anything we can do you for you? we're all here for you. we're worried about your schooling." "have you done your work?" "have you found a special girl?" every person that i try to love has been too broken from the last person that they tried to love la la la.

tell me all the reasons you'd want to love me so i know what not to hate me for so i can sleep now, on your floor and don't tell me any advice nothing free is very good anyways and on me, it'd just be a waste school assignments left uncompleted it's my life it's my choices let me make them let me regret them. now, there's only one thing i can wish for a cool death on space mountain a day in which nothing matters i fall off the ride and my bones crash into the earth i stand up cause none are broken would have stayed down if you hadn't spoken. but there's something wrong i do not feel complete! all this time and for nothing would have been best if i stayed at nothing soon you will drive me into a tree a cool death on space mountain the one i've always predicted i still get offers and i still never say no i'm starting to think i actually like it the more and more learn to hate it

i sat early next to you and i was wondering how long would we be playing this game? now that i just took my turn but you never moved your pawn i sat in this room and i was scared how'd your mother find you coming in? did she smell the whiskey? maybe the weed? you tripped on a shoe walking in, you drunk fool! you were at your work when you told me you were listening to my new album the one i wrote about you, i was a fool.. my face turned bright red. i was lying in my bed when i realized that i'm nice when i'm happy and when i'm utterly depressed oh, anywhere in between, i'm a sarcastic stuttering mess oh, anywhere between, it's probably best i stay in bed.

what you're running from is not what you need to be taken care of take it back now and hey, i've never seen that face before, that face in the mirror this feeling is nothing new ooo what are you running from? i'm right here you know my life drains on me. oh, you know, i won't be around too long. say goodbye while i'm here. a person at my work once told me i needed to do drugs if i ever wanted anyone to listen no one at an open mic wants to hear a song about your dead cat no one at an open mic wants to hear you stress for your test "they just want to get drunk they just want to get so drunk they don't even know which way is up." edward scissorhands was a man who was made to do his best and i am nothing like him so instead i like to insist that i look just like him so i can still feel somehow related robin hood run to the castle and save your fair maiden oh. what an honor! and i will never be anything like him totoro, the spirit of childhood he is caring and i will never be anything like him i'm going to rub myself with this guitar string until i get a really really really bad burn and i never realized just how much i enjoyed the smell of gasoline until it was all on my hands and all in my hair and i realized that life isn't a video game life isn't like your movies you have on your shelf. it can always get worse. i need to remind myself but when you're sleeping in the backseat of your car its hard not to think when your mother's an alcoholic narcissist when everyday you wake up with a beating a headache but at least you're alive. it can always get worse i need to remind myself when your best friend says he wants to kill himself when your mother screams that she wants to kill himself when you're unsure if you really actually definitely want to kill yourself it's hard not to say "things can not get worse" i lucked out on existing in the first place just why'd i have to be part of this fucking race i think i'd much prefer to be a sexless blob, or a cat, or a fox. probably a cat. there's a sign at my work that says beer is a sign from god the he loves us and wants us to have fun but if he made the only escape something highly addictive and ultimately dangerous then what the hell does that say about god? i guess i should be happy, i have a roof over my head and computer to make my songs at but i wouldn't have even started writing songs if i wasn't afraid i would kill myself without some form of expression. i know i have a family that will love me unconditionally but i can't shake this underlying feeling that they wouldn't even know me if we didn't happen to have a similar relative. i've created a world of fantasy inside of my head where i can fully explore and cast magic spells but the older I get, the less i visit and i'm afraid my cats are getting lonely i'm graduating high school, and that's pretty great but really i'm afraid of what being an adult means and how the hell i'm supposed to explain to people on the street why i keep acting like a kid and i guess this is it, the ending of the album and i've got to say, this did not go nearly as expected i came in with hope but now im utterly afraid... that it will only get worse.